Gahmen Revenue

With all the hoohaas about cab-snatchers, blog-thieves & the comments regarding the fatal accident in Buona Vista MRT Station going on in the blogging community, a change of events should take the attention elsewhere.

Although I'm a smoker myself, I had no idea there was a price increase again until yesterday. An informant (read:buddy) complained to me about a sudden $1 price hike. Damn! I've lost track how much a pack of smoke costs nowadays. But I sure know it is no longer a single digit price.

As a beginner since the tender age of 10, I vaguely remember that a pack of Marlboro softpack at that time costs $1.80 or so (correct me if I'm wrong). Now what's the price like? $11.50 or something right? That's almost a 1000% increase in the course of 19 years! I don't remember a raise in salary of that magnitude from that period of time till now. Not even close.

I think the cheapest brand of smoke right now cost at least $7 (again, correct me if I'm wrong). Not to mention that small packs of 10 sticks are no longer on sale. What was the gahmen's take on this? That stopping the sale of small packs would discourage people from smoking. Haha! What a joke! Friends of mine who used to smoke a small pack per 2 days have upgraded & increased their intake to a big pack per 2 days. So was the gahmen's decision a right move? Of course it is! Now we have same number of smokers smoking twice as much now! Bravo! That equals a 100% increase in revenue for the gahmen! A brilliant move I should say.

With effect as of 1st August 2004, our gahmen introduced gruesome graphic warnings carried on cigarette packings in what I would say as a futile attempt to discourage people from smoking. Singapore might have produced some smart-asses talents but we smokers ain't dumb either. I believe I can safely say that 99.9% of the smokers know more or less the harm & damages it does to us physically. We certainly don't need images such as a mouthful of decayed teeth, diseased organs, a limp baby & a smoker on his deathbed to remind us that.

The gahmen has already banned smoking in public transport, elevators, theaters, government offices, and air-conditioned restaurants and shopping centers. The ban also applies to queues of more than two people, such as at a taxi stand. Tobacco advertisements have been banned since the 1970s and just last year, government officials lifted a 12-year ban on chewing gum to allow the sale of nicotine gum -- to help smokers quit. (Does it really work? I sure hope so)

I've watched on TV lately that the gahmen is contemplating on banning smoking in public places such as pubs & coffeeshops. Personally, I agree with the gahmen on their move to ban smoking in public transport, elevators, theaters, air-conditioned restaurants and shopping centers. But in pubs & coffeeshops? Coffeeshops perhaps so as people do patronise them for meals. With regards to pubs, customers visit them for drinks while smokers does so for the other reason as well. There was this Irish pub which banned smoking within its premises last year in conjunction with the gahmen's campaign towards a smoke-free country. Business initially did improved but as of lately it has been so bad that the owner intends to lift the ban if sales do not rebound within the next few months. What does that signify?

Today, a friend told me that Australia sells the most expensive pack of Marlboro in the world at a staggering price of SGD$12.50. Our country is number 1 in this world for quite a few things. I can see that we'll be number 1 in another aspect as the clock ticks on (we are already so near to that benchmark so this record setting price should not take long).

So let us all be optimistic & hope that our gahmen will think otherwise & revert the price of cigarettes back to what it was in the 80's.

The basis of optimism is sheer terror -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

R E S P E C K

As how Ali G spells it, R E S P E C K. Doesn't really matter how it is spelt as long we get the idea of what he is trying to say. Come to think about it, most of the time it is really kind of difficult to understand what he is saying. Do all Europeans sound that way or is it just him?

There are shows like 911, Maximum Exposure & other likewise shows on AXN channel. Many times it is about man vs nature. I've seen it countless times when man loses to nature & when the victims (most of the time they are the aggressors turned victims because they ain't no match for Mother Nature!) are interviewed, they always say something like everyone should respect nature, respect this, respect that, yadda yadda & the story goes on. How the hell do you respect nature? The suckers poor beings that turned victims usually don't have a high threshold for pain. Normally you see them squirming in pain after their encounter with nature.

Ok, then there are those situations like a house on fire. The occupants managed to make it out of the house & are watching their abode slowly being digested by the flames when the firemen appears. It is only routine to check & ensure that there are no idiots human beings within the premises.

Then someone goes like "Hey! My PIG is still in there! HELP!"

Well then what? You expect a human being to put his own life at risk for a PIG? I'm amazed (but not very impressed) at the firemen's stupidity courage for braving the fire to retrieve the domestic pet. What do they get for doing that? A sense of satisfaction? Proud that they saved the life of something that normally ends up on a dinner plate or inbetween a bun? What's wrong with these people? Putting a human life at risk just to save a main course? I know, every living thing has the right to live. But why risk the lives of others? Just because it is their duty to do so? Please...

Perhaps I'm being selfish by saying that. But do you think the PIG will put its own life at stake to save a human being if the situation was turned around? Hey, pigs are smarter than you think they are ok? RESPECK!

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

Clocky

Every morning as usual, I would surf ST Interactive for my daily dosage of world & local news. But since the day they started charging I had to find other alternatives. I cancelled off the hardcopy subscription a few years ago because it was a simple waste of paper & at that time I could catch the latest & more important news online for free! TodayOnline seems a rather interesting choice (not forgetting that there's mrbrown & Mr Neil Humphrey on Friday & Saturday respectively).

I chanced upon an article from TodayOnline this morning & I'm rather intrigued by the stupidity thoughfulness of the product. Here's the article extracted from the news website.

Scientists in the United States have invented an alarm clock to get the drowsiest of sleepers out of bed. After the snooze button is pressed, Clocky, which comes with wheels, rolls off the table to another part of the room. "When the alarm sounds again, finding Clocky ought to be strenuous enough to prevent even the doziest owner from going back to sleep," the New Scientist magazine reported.

Many of us might have heard, read or seen on tv news about those little robotic mouse that is programmed to find its own way out of a maze. Who built those? Secondary & tertiary students made it themselves to participate in some inter-school competitions. Isn't this intricate little piece of work highly more sophiscated than a clock that can roll when you press the snooze button?

Now if you agree with me on that, it's time to think about this -- students who have only PSLE or GCE 'O' level qualifications can build a robotic mouse that is able to find its own way out of a maze. Scientists who have MBAs, PhDs & whatever other qualifications can only come up with a clock that can "roll off the table to another part of the room" when the owner presses the snooze button. Something is very wrong & mismatched here.

Well well well, I seriously wonder who funded this research team. For if I were one of the sponsors, I would be cursing & swearing cheering & applauding right in their faces at this very moment & NEVER in this era will this research make it to the news headline, & I mean NEVER!

Good Friday

How good can a Good Friday be? It was a disaster for me. Everything started out as usual. I performed my daily routine of emptying my bowels in the morning. But once I kickstarted the engine it just didn't seem to want to turn off. On & off from 8am to 7pm I made trips to the potty that can make the pilgrimage to Mecca look like a stroll in the park. I swear to whatever's up there that I almost crapped my intestines out. That burning sensation just didn't help make things easier for me. Getting on & off the potty was already difficult enough, much less talk about the journey from the room to the throne.

Had dinner at this coffeeshop near my place with my better half. I though porridge would be nice after the ordeal my internal organs went through. We ordered some greens, potatoes, steamed eggs & some duck meat. All in all that cost us $9.90. Wow! Talk about economic & I thought porridge was supposed to be cheap? Guess I'll be cooking it myself in future.

Yeah, I'm a scrooge. Tell me about it.

The New Lock

It's a hot day again. How I wish I don't have to step out of my 19 degrees room. The temperature outside must be almost twice of what I'm enjoying within.

Unfortunately, there are errands to run today. I had to take a cold shower before I could bring myself to leave home & I almost fried my own ass. The sun had baked my bike seat till it was glistening. It was as if it could melt at any instance. But then, a man's got to do what a man's got to do.

I was doing a friend a favour by paying a visit to the bikeshop he patronise on his behalf to make a payment. I had been to this bikeshop 11 years ago & I assume (it is not healthy to do this) it will not be difficult to locate it again. I was wrong, so damned wrong. I travelled in circles & circles. I passed by buildings that looked so familiar twice, thrice. My meter clocked in at 4 km when I finally found the alleged bike shop. 4 km travelling in circles. That's 1 darn big circle.

The supposed payment was for an amount of $199 due on 7th March. Yes, I was late & my friend (who is currently out-stationed) had conveniently forgotten about it till the night before he was to fly off. So armed with the $200 (Not from my own pocket that is) I strutted into the office & informed about my purpose. Marvellous, there's an outstanding $17 fine for the late payment. Obviously I was not going to pay him, so I tried to talk him out of it. To no avail was my effort & I did not insist as the reason he gave was quite satisfactory. "I don't mind waiving the fine but I cant make any adjustments to the system. I don't have the access level." Why am I wasting time talking to a low level office boy? I accepted that reason as he was the only person around at that time. Strangely, I don't believe the mechanics outside had higher access level than him.

It was a relief to be back on the road again, this time with a different quest. Yes, I have yet to replace the damn lock which I destroyed the night before. I decided to check out my neighbourhood town. Paid a visit to a drink stall which I've patronised since I was 13 yrs old & managed to squeeze some information. The retailer which I'm looking for is just next to the hawker centre that I was in. It was rather easy locating the hardware shop but the lady tending it did not seem that enthusiastic to make my sales. She kept pointing & pushing some Italy made locks that cost more than $25 to me. Why should I buy such an expensive lock if I'm only going to wreck it again in due time? I dillied & dallied, trying to make up my mind & then the answer I was looking for surfaced. She pointed elsewhere & stated those are China made. Yes! Exactly what I wanted. No consideration was needed once I saw the price. I paid for the merchandise & headed home to complete the task.

Hammering the old lock off from the door was relatively easy, but removing what's left of it requires a tad bit more skill. The wooden door was already scarred from my rage & I had no intention of doing anymore damage to it. It took me quite a while before I managed to change the new lock on & it worked fine. Best part of it was that the lock came with 3 keys. 2 of which I dutifully handed to my mama & secretly kept the last for myself. You never know when history will repeat itself.

The Lock

Since the day I was unemployed, life has been rather stagnant. Instead, I should say that life has stopped. I've practically lost track of which day is it now.

Maybe I should find something to do. Wait a minute, I do have things to do. All thanks to my dad. Upon hearing that last Sat was my last day of work, he & my uncle arranged a trip to China & Hong Kong on that very same day. Two days before he left, he had a nice little man to man talk with me. Not to find out what I intend to do with my life, but to order me to finish up with his accounting work as he won't be back till 8 days later. I'm cheaper than foreign labour. I'm free...

It has been like what? 5 days? & I'm not even half done with it yet. Well what do you expect in exchange for free labour? Do a good job & get a pat on the back? What else is free in this country now? Other than the very air we breathe in, I can't think of anything else.

The weather has been rather hot lately. I can't imagine having to sleep in my room without air conditioning, which almost became a reality. Ok, the layout of the power supply for the central air conditioning unit is a little weird. The main switch (for reasons unknown) happens to be in the master bedroom. Now that my dad is away on a (business or leisure?) trip, she decides to spend her nights at my sister's place. Not that I mind staying alone at home, in fact I simply love it. But we'll skip that part. The highlight of this topic is that she left her bedroom locked, with the air conditioning power supply OFF. I flew into a frenzy when I realise there's no artificial cold air for the night. Called up my mum & guess what she says? "You can survive without aircon for 1 night lah. Turn on the fan lor". Obviously she has no idea what it is like to spend a night in my room without air condition.

Thanks to my stubborn 'will-not-take-no-for-an-answer' nature, I made a trip from Hougang to Tampines for the key to my happiness.

Returning victorious & with the key in my right hand, I approached the door that is keeping me away from my slumber. The key slid into the hole just like they were made for each other. Feeling the adrenalin rush when I know that my very happiness is jux a turn away, I turned the key. Nothing happened.

What the fuck? Wrong key? I tried the rest of the keys & none of them were able to open this god damned door! As my blood started to boil, I started to behave irrationally. I started kicking at the door & swearing out loud. Other than creating a hell lot of noise at around 11pm, the door simply did not budge.

A tool. I need something harder than my fist & feet to pry this damn lock open. As I went through the forgotten toolbox hidden somewhere in a misty dark corner of the kitchen, something caught my eye. Yes! A Hammer! The absolute problem solving tool!

Returning to The Door with the Hammer in my right hand & feeling smug about it, I let out a barbaric war cry as I raised the Hammer high above my head & smashed it right on the door knob. The loud noise of iron & re-inforced aluminium clashing together echoed through the neighbourhood. Damn it! The bloody knob held it's position although there were signs that it has already weakened. A few more smashes should finish the job well. As I mustered up every ounce of strength I have left in me, the Hammer landed on the knob again. This time it finally gave way & it flew right off into the darkness of an unoccupied room opposite it. The sweet smell of victory still lingers in my right hand as I grinned at the Hammer.

As the adrenalin rush subsided, the thought of my mum screeching like a banshee in my ear crept up my spine. I started to break cold sweat. It seems that I wasn't going to enjoy my air conditioning after all. But nonetheless, I decided to enjoy what I have now & not think about what I have to face tomorrow.

The Tool

Isn't the Internet a wonderful tool? It brings strangers from all over the world together, not physically though. The moment we are connected to the Internet, we are all linked up in one way or another. Knowledge is shared, either free or for a fee (it's just a difference of one letter).

What happened to the days when the only thing we need to pay for was the internet access itself? Now almost every site that provides specific information requires registration + a fee. What happened to "When we care, we share"? Shouldn't knowledge be free? Wouldn't it be beneficial to the general public if it is made free? And what's with this copyright thing? Now most people I know are no longer downloading mp3s & movies, all because of the word "copyright". Guess the only thing free left to download would be "porn"? Don't think there's any copyrights to it. If that's so, why can't the rest be made like "porn"? Now we have to resort to buying pirated versions. Why? Would you pay, for instance, $1,000 for an original software when you can get a pirated version of it for jux $10 & it works just as well. Most pirated softwares, nowadays even comes bundled with updates, add-ons & additional related softwares. All that for just 1% of the original price.

Of course I shouldn't speak for those who wrote the softwares & retailed it. If I were them, I might be selling it at that price too. But shouldn't the price be at least made affordable to the general public? We can all see how monopolizing part of the IT industry has brought fame & fortune to a selected few. But what comes next after achieving that? How much will then be enough? There's this saying in chinese "Qu Zhi Se Hui, Yong Zhi Se Hui". It's all about giving and taking. But more seems to be taking & hording than giving & reciprocating.

We all know that money is afraid of the cold. Money will only go to where there is more of it. Therefore the rich will only get richer while the poor only dreams of getting rich. But why do we want to gain more than what we need? Why do we want to pursue more of what we already have?

I remember reading from somewhere an article about being contented. It goes something like this. There's this entrepreneur having a meeting in a club by the beach. During a break, he makes his way to the pier for a breather, where there is this fisherman relaxing under the sun. The man in the suit strikes up a conversation.

Entrepreneur : Wonderful weather today, isn't it?

Fisherman : Yeah, great to just laze under the sun.

Entrepreneur : Since the weather is so good, why aren't you out catching more fish?

Fisherman : Why should I be doing so when I've already caught enough for today?

Entrepreneur : If you catch more fish, you can earn more & soon you can buy another fishing boat & hire more fishermen. As time goes by, you will have an entire fleet of fishing boats and you don't even have to go out to sea anymore.

Fisherman : And what will I be doing by then?

Entrepreneur : You can sit back & enjoy the fruits of your labour then.

Fisherman : Isn't that what I'm doing now?

GM vs Microsoft

Again, this came through via email & it happens to be one of my personal favourites.
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For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the automobile industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, you car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Things I'd Do If I Ruled The World

I received this through email from a friend & I thought it is rather amusing
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1. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

2. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

3. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

4. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

5. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

6. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

7. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

8. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

9. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

10. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

11. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

12. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

13. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

14. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

15. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

16. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

17. I will dress in bright and cheery colours, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

18. All naive, beautiful tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcements and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

19. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

20. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying rope and fetching keys happens to follow him around.

21. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

22. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

23. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

24. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

25. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

26. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

27. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

28. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

29. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

30. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

31. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

To Employ Or Be Employed, That Is The Question

To be employed is to receive a stagnant wage every month for doing the impossible & not owning the rights to it. But at the very least & generally speaking, employees usually only put in 80% worth of effort(or less) in compare to the 120% responsibility(or more) that they shoulder, for every dollar that they are "legally" paid. With regards to the retail industry, the same cannot be said. I shall not elaborate on that as many employees' ricebowls are at stake.

To employ is to supplement an expenditure every month to someone who might not necessarily be at your beck & call, to perform seemingly menial tasks which are "so not worth" the salary you are paying them for(from the employers' point of view, that is). And not to mention that they only put in that 80% effort(or less).

Is it better to employ or be employed?

Xiao Wan Mian

As what the name suggests, Xiao Wan Mian is really Xiao. I think the ENTIRE bowl of noodles made it down my esophagus & got lost somewhere in my stomach.

The digestive system sent signals up to the neuro centre informing that they had no work to do right after the noodles disappeared from view.

This can't be right. I just sent food down. Where did it go? $4 for some dough, pork, fish cake, an egg (or so I assume as I did see 1 whole egg yolk) & 2 tiny strips of greenish vege.

Or are those items only worth $1 whereas the remaining amount is for that STAINLESS STEEL pot holder with that little piece of solid fuel which burnt out somewhere during the journey from the stall to the seat. Talk about value for money. With such prices it will cost me at least $12 to fill up my tank in an AIR-CONDITIONED food court with such ABSTRACT chairs & tables.

With the gradual disappearance of good old hawker centres, I think we all need at least a 30% pay raise in order to sustain our daily food intake.

I remember watching on Discovery Channel that some tribesmen eat stones. Guess that is easier to fill up the stomach & not feel hungry sooner than expected.

On To A New Start

Today is the day I'm officially unemployed... AGAIN. There is always mixed feelings on the last day of work. The taste of freedom & that inevitable feeling of being lost.

Freedom -- Not having the need to answer or be responsible to anybody else but yours truly.

Not sure if that is a proper definition for freedom but it does so for me.

Next up is the question of where will I be heading to?

Ponderous... very ponderous...